When things fall apart

When the morning comes with fresh breathe and you hate getting up from your bed, as facing this another day seems like fighting another battle.

When you loathe the very light of the sun, praying that somebody could come and veil the room with curtains. When the chirping of the birds feel like a hard rock metal music.

When laying down in the bed you try to find out a reason to get up, to muster the courage to live an another mundane day.

When everything seems banal and you are unconcerned about where your belongings are.When you are busy counting the voids in your life.

When looking at the mirror you see a weary, ugly dark monster and you hardly care about that fact, you feel comfortable in your stale clothes and dirt engulfing your skin as they seem as a shell to hide the nakedness of your wretched soul.

When each and every breathe you take seems useless to you. When you spend the entire day in your bed inside your blanket with a book to hug you up in its lines, because you feel more comfortable in the company of that book than the people surrounding you, and when while reading you find something that associates with your condition, it gives you a sigh of relief to your soul as you feel that you are not alone in this battle.

When you eat food just to survive and not to live.When you carry your day’s work like a slave and you are only concerned about when the night would come and you can shield yourself in your blanket, The Rescuer again.

The worst part comes when you are said to meet people or your parents force you to meet somebody because then you have to pretend and play a part which seems like a Herculean task. With people always nudging you with a piece of advice so that you could mend up your goaless life. They act as your personal advisors and stab you by mocking from inside.

When walking down the road seems like walking the wire. The eyes are watching you, questioning you, mocking at you. You feel naked in front of this world. You want to just run back and lie in that dirty blanket.

When your souls is so dead from inside that you hardly feel any emotion. Your moods change with a lightening speed and your heart plays with your mind. In between these games you are suffering, but you don’t know from what. As the things are falling apart.

P.S. This is my personal experience. Many of you may have experienced this or related to this or may be not. Just associate with whatever yours case is.


Featured image inspiration: Henn Kim

43 thoughts on “When things fall apart

  1. Pingback: Frail (Inktober Day-8) – The Undomestic Writer

  2. I suggest you address these feelings as soon as possible. I felt that way at your age and still sometimes now at 59. FIFTY NINE!!!
    โ€œThe most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.โ€ Pema Chรถdrรถn, When Things Fall Apart

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Siddharth bhati

        Oh. Great. I love them, and why I started reading your posts, because I think you are the same girl who once recommended me fountainhead book.
        Are you??

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Siddharth bhati

        Yeah. I got it. I was sleeping in the afternoon and a dream came of that book, sort of memory trace.
        Then I remembered that it was you.
        Well great.๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      3. the undomestic writer

        Oh, this is so unusual. ๐Ÿ˜ I think I told you about that 2 months back. And that book is good but too ideal and absurd to believe. As per the reviews of many people. But, great work and great lines to ponder.

        Like

      4. Siddharth bhati

        Yeah. That’s very very unusual.
        You would have thought, that I’m bit paranoid.
        But, seriously in afternoon there was an unconscious thought of fountainhead. Yeah, I’m bit of a psychology lover. So. Leave my hypothesis behind ๐Ÿ˜‚.
        Yeah, I read summary of it. I don’t like fiction, I’m bit of person who likes to read some analytical books and yeah main thing is that I can apply them in real life. ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      5. the undomestic writer

        I guess the concept she wanted to develop and convey was good and impactful. That’s why after almost 100 years people still read this book. Main problem was she could have done this in a short book. But, she explains each and every detail in the scene so very much that it turned out to be a 700 page book.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. the undomestic writer

        Really. Then why did you unfollowed me before? ๐Ÿ˜‹ I knew that. But, now I wanted to disclose it. ๐Ÿ˜‚

        Like

      7. Siddharth bhati

        Oh. I’m sorry for that, but I didn’t do it intentionally.
        The thing was that I was having lots of mail everyday from WordPress, one day I got frustrated and removed all whom I was following, but I didn’t looked at who all they were.
        I think that was immature.
        Don’t worry I followed you on insta to make up for my stupidity. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      8. the undomestic writer

        Haha. I did this same few days back. But, I only unfollowed 3-4 blogs that were of premium plans like .com, .blog as they use to come in my primary inbox.
        It’s Ok. And as far as knowledge is concerned you are more mature and experienced then me. So, it was always great following you. ๐Ÿ˜

        Like

      9. Siddharth bhati

        Oh. Please. Don’t make me feel embarrassed.
        I think I’m just person who had experiences and what I learned from them
        Maybe everyone of us is the same.
        So, if someone says that I’m more knowledgeable or mature it sort of creates barriers among people, sometimes it leads lack of sharing of knowledge.
        I think of sharing of knowledge and learning should be the goal, be it you or me.
        We’re the same. It’s just to learn. Nothing more. ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      10. the undomestic writer

        Yes, We all are here to share our knowledge and experiences. And learning should be the constant thing to do in your life inorder to grow and evolve. I think death is better than being stagnant in knowledge. That is fatal.(according to me) ๐Ÿ˜…

        Like

    1. the undomestic writer

      I can understand that how much you can relate to it. It also makes me cry seeing my situation sometimes. But, we gotto keep on moving.
      Thank u so much for reading it.๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Things do fall apart, Writer, the Center cannot always hold (look that one up and report back to me if you dare!).

    But we are made of stronger stuff. Love, and can survive an eternity of loss, scorn, and abandonment.

    Take care,be well, and never, NEVER stop fighting the good fight!

    Denny

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have lived all of that, too. It’s worth sticking around though because it won’t always feel.like that. Sometimes it does, and when it happens, it feels like it always feels that way. But it doesn’t and it won’t. I hear you and I feel your beautiful raw words. I can see everything amazing that you are just in that. I hope you can catch a glimmer of that, too. ๐Ÿ’“

    Liked by 1 person

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