I don’t remember the exact time, when I developed this habit, which has become more of an obsession now. It seems as if I lend my hands to help this poor soul and this in turn had work against me, it transformed into a monster and started feeding on my body.

And now I am standing in front of my washroom, constantly washing my hands (habit), the smell of the soap is all around in the atmosphere, still I am not satisfied. It seems as if I want to get rid of those lines in my hands, which people call as the lines of fate, destiny, life etc etc.

I want my soap to help me get rid of those lines, which are more of a kind of burden to me. As these lines continously remind me of the years left behind, and about the years to come, and I seriously don’t want such things to cling with my body, that give even a slightest sense of dominance. I don’t. I won’t. I can’t.
Yes, this is the way I am! Every moment every second of my life. Taking hold of my life as I am the master of my soul.
The bulk of foam has formed in between this relentless motion of my hands. I am unaware of my existence as I am totally focused in washing away the dirt from my mind. Those peels of skin have started coming out, but still I am persistent in my deadly endeavour. Although, this task seems less deadly, than the deadly sins which these hands has committed, in the past, by showering help to those treacherous parasites who degrade you, giving you those imperishable wounds for life. And to add more salt into my wounds are these lines which always reminds me of my mistakes.
Yes, all that is left behind that we can’t change, the things for which we make ourselves responsible for, all the good deeds that were no good for us, all the bad deeds that were never good for anybody else, all those things that we tried to hold together, but couldn’t and also those things which we never tried holding together and instead relied on letting them go. These all things are defined by one single word called mistakes.

Everybody knows that those things couldn’t be changed. And I don’t want the possibilities and impossibilities of those things to play with me again, by making me believe that everything will get better. No, nothing could change those past events. I don’t want the stains of my past in my hands any more nor I want to rely on my future anymore. I am washing my hands till nothing remains.

No, I was.

No, I will?

Only, I am! This time.

p.s. I request people to bear with my queer experience. Yes, this is my post, a bit incomplete like me and I always want it to be that way only.

What do feel about this post? Do let me know.

39 thoughts on “Hands

  1. beavoicefororphans

    So much depth in what you have written.
    What comes to my mind:
    You’re loved…
    JESUS forgives the sins when you believe and trust in HIM… There is no greater gift…
    HIS nail pierced hands are the hands that save, rescue, and heal…
    Then, as a daughter of the KING, you have a very special and close place near HIM…
    See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:16

    Liked by 1 person

  2. abomal

    I hope that by now every time you look at your hands you see the endless possibilities and potential that they offer. Helping people is a somewhat difficult task but can be very rewarding. Just remember that we all have no control of other peoples actions and reactions. Look at your hands and see the tremendous strength that they possess. You look at your hands and get reminded of the mistakes you made in the past but that same sight also shows you the weapon(hands) you need to correct where you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. there are no stains of the past… they are only experiences….. Life is a journey and we meet so many other people who are on their own journey….. the problem of us is attachment and unending desires that we collect in this journey…… but the journey continues for some new experiences and attachments…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. the undomestic writer

      Thanks a lot😊 Yes, what you are saying is veey true.Scars remind you of what u r today and I hv written contradicting this fact. It is just a matter of believes and I felt like I should just write something different which landed me here.😊


  4. I don’t know what you had gone through, (mistakes, hands, lines or foams to washway.)
    Since I am a Muslim,
    It just reminded me of the some verses of the Quran that Don’t be despair of Allah’s mercy, Allah will forgive if truly repented as though you are new born, Masoom, and will surely ease out your ways . keep smiling ☺️☺️☺️👍

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Pleasure is absolutely mine, I just forgot to mention that you write really amazingly well(inspiring for me, ☺️😀👍) .
        Just to remind if you wanna pray , Just from the heart you make your own prayer trying to remember The God, call Him by any name, The Creator of the Universe or like beautiful attributes that’s fits the Almighty. Ask first for guidance whilst meditating, and then focus and I bet you will cry or tears will form, you will feel free(do it with sincerity), trust me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. ☺️☺️😇, do it in a quite room or terrace, or dont get distracted or intercede. You can probably try at night, late night since it’s super peaceful.( Bhoot se aapko dar lagti hain? Just a random question)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. if at all the lines could be erased or wiped and the future be changed, the amputees would see no light…still it is an exercise that will wipe the dirt from the mind….yes…helping people in today’s scenario has become a big exercise….but we should not forget the fact that….we are fortunately humans….

    Liked by 3 people

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