Nameless feeling

I opened my diary to write something today. After staring at those blank lines of the diary, instead of writing I started making some patterns, triangles within squares, squares within circles and many circles within a circle going into a loop.

I was scribling here and there drawing lines horizontally as well as vertically to make a grid and the most important part was that I was feeling light after doing these aimless, useless drawing session on the page that I was suppose to write on.

It felt as if the burden with which I opened my diary to write upon, it all got lightened by doing something thoughtless like this (when i was actually not aware why I am doing this).

And it was not just about today, it’s becoming more often for me to get lost in some scribling here and there and then observing that mess which I draw. Today, also it felt like I was transfering all my energy and mess in my mind to that grid of lines and patterns that I drew.

I think that urge for daydreaming has become more precious to me, then to actually live the mundanity of my life. As if that pen is leading my mind to it’s direction, the mind wants to forget itself for a second. To just relax and cut off from this world.

As if the weight of the days is too much for me to handle, that I am making my way out of this by practicing this thoughtless art. As if I want to speak a lot through those patterns than through words. As if there is nothing left to think and ponder upon, and only I want to be numb. As if I am trying to lose control over my mind, by letting it wander on a nameless path. As if these patterns are speaking on my behalf. As if my life had become so sort of rule which I don’t want to follow. As if I am trying to forget something. Maybe, myself…


P.S. Featured image credits: https://unsplash.com/@pkvoyage

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